One of the less glamorous sides to the job is the medical locker. Usually it means counting pills and tubes of cream, and ordering new stuff when the use by date is near, then sending the old stuff ashore. Most complaints are dealt with quickly and usually entail a paracetamol or two, a glass of water and a pat on the back, off you go. Others less often require a bit of ointment and bandaging after a skinburn or sunburn!
Today I had to resort to the telephone doctor, I received a request for a certain type of medicine from one of the crew, now we have a fairly vast selection of drugs and an individual of dubious moral character in charge of the keys could indulge in some recreational pharmaceutical experimentation or get high often. The medicine in question was not in stock. I checked my medical dictionary and we had another drug with the same ingredients but not the same form. I rang the doctor on our special Radio medical hotline and was given instructions that they had the same effect, the only difference being application, up the bum, yes the famous suppository.
When my client later got his medical prescription his face contorted when he learned of the application method, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep a straight face and not think of the gag “for all the good these are doing I might as well stick them up my hole”, easier said than done, I asked if he knew what to do and made it clear that assistance would not be forthcoming. I don’t get paid enough for that kind of carry on!
What if he had requested your assistance? Would it be your duty to…you know…help?
Most people are very sensitive about that (w)hole area so normally choose to insert themselves as they are the best judges of their own construction. If I was asked to help I would probably use all my powers to avoid administering such medicine, but if it was absolutely necessary I would have to help, like I said I don’t get paid enough for that. But there are worse scenarios, that I witnessed in the e.r. while training, suppositories any day of the week before bleeding heads and bones sticking out where they don’t belong…….
Harrr..reminds me of my nursing days when I was tasked with explaining an antihistamine suppository.(It was a free clinic so we ran with whatever donated drugs worked) I was assured by patient x that he was very familiar with the concept thank you.
Seeing that he seemed competent I withdrew outside to offer a bit of privacy.After five minutes or so I knocked on the door to check on the git and hadn’t the eejit jammed one of the suppositories up his nose!
I should have helped him insert the other one up the sron as well.