Metres and feet.

At the Steenbank pilot station outside of Flushing they tell you 1½ feet above the water for the pilot ladder, at Flushing they say 2 metres, I thought we had gone over to the SI system or Metric if you like, not that I particularly like, it’s a real bastard trying to buy timber (lumber for our US readers) when you want a bit of 2″ by 4″ in centimetres it’s 5 by 10 just doesn’t have the same ring . There is no real problem for your average Irishman born in the late sixties to distinguish between metres and feet, being brought up with both systems and sure a yard is nearly the same as a metre and thats 3 feet. It was only recently that the speed signs went over to Kilometres per hour in Ireland, and even though the scales are in digital Kilograms you will get funny looks if you ask for a kilo of minced beef at the meat counter. And don’t ask for a hectogram you might get a box! Whatever about my ability to distinguish between metric and imperial, there was a ship on the UHF radio (our working radio) this morning that was having great difficulty knowing where to put his feet and count his metres. The reason it was interesting was because they were Americans, normally you hear a load of gobbledygook from the League of Nations in all the tongues of the world so you switch off to it and try to find a channel with the least disturbance, but when it’s in English and with an American accent you turn up the volume to see what the yanks are doing. This particular ship was getting into position for mooring and the mates on deck were giving distances off to the old man, nothing wrong there except that it was all in feet, “30 feet off for’d Cap’, 40 feet off aft Cap’” “70 feet to go astern” etc. ”

when the old man says -Ok guys 5 metres astern

the mate on the deck says – are we workin’ in feet or metres?

Old man(commanding) -Yeah the pilot tells me 5 metres, about 15 feet-

Mate(surprised )-Well that’s absolutely wrong man, its a good 60 feet

Old man(disbelief in voice)-OK Brad, he swears up and down that it’s only 4 metres to position, we have a marker here….

Mate(angry voice)-Cap’n you let me be the judge of that, theres no ways its 4 feet, its near 50 feet

Old man(ignoring mate completely) OK guys the ship is in position, make her fast

Mate( more angry) I don’t give a Goddamn if we are talking feet or metres, if we land the ramp now we are going to hit a bollard

Old man(reluctant to give in and angry with the guy on the forward position) third mate do not heave on your forward spring!

Third mate(siding with mate) I thought we were going more astern Cap?

Old man(finally giving in while sounding like he is fixing the problem) yeah guys looks like I can get the shore guys to accept moving astern

Eventually they get alongside, the Captain said he was going off the air and the mate said “I need a new job” ! then we hear the Old man again “I heard that!”

We were on the floor rolling around at the live entertainment, they probably didn’t realise they were providing entertainment. But they did manage to avoid any heckling the hecklers were more interested in listening than disrupting which seems to happen more and more these days.

For the people looking for a conversion factor…..1 metre = 3.2808399 feet