Home again from the ship and as you may have noticed not so attentive to the blog lately, plenty jobs at home like painting the garage and fixing the storage situation in the cellar. Putting up shelves and deciding what to throw out and what to keep, you have to do a clean out every now and then, the problem is that I can’t throw anything away that might have a possible use in the future, and Murphy’s Law works in the way that if I do throw out something I’ll find a use for it after its gone, although I will have to dump all the spare parts for the SAAB 9000 that we sold 3 years ago on the other hand we might get another SAAB 9000, you see the difficulty?
Anyway that has nothing to do with the title of the post, I had a strange dream the other night. In the dream I’m at the helm of a ship and it turns into a car which and I pass a small old man, the car disappears and I exchange a few words with the old person who has a kind of grass skirt on and a head dress made out of feathers. He is the King of the Filipinos he tells me and has something for me. I was supposed to meet him there at that place. What is it? I inquire, he tells me that I have to give him all the money I have on me before he can part with that knowledge, so I have about 5€ in coins in my pocket and a few South African rand also for some peculiar reason. This is fine. I get a big brown paper wrapping, apparently I have also begun a kind of soul search also. He promptly disappears and I open the brown paper wrapping and there is a gigantic tube of toothpaste, with my name on it. Then I wake up. Strange.
Archive for February, 2008
I only found out after I had moved to Sweden that the state controls the sale of alcohol in “System Bolaget” stores, they are actually very well stocked have decent opening hours and a good selection so it is not all that bad and there are pubs and hotels and restaurants also where alcohol is served but absolutely no carry outs like back in Ireland where a 6-pack at closing time is very popular or was a few years ago anyway.
The System Bolaget is a very popular destination and is always thronged full of people on a Friday afternoon, getting the binge quantity of booze in for the weekend, you’d swear that it was New Years Eve every Friday, unless you have witnessed New Years Eve in the “Bolaget” then it’s like the end of the world. You never see an idle staff member in the Bolaget on a Friday and not many people have less than 3 or 4 bottles, it could be Swedish practicality that one person is buying for many, (and possibly many underage drinkers) unless the gangs of drunken youths are getting pissed on wine gums and low alcohol beer from the super market, they are more than likely getting stuff bought out for them. In the logical manner here they only drink at the weekend, really polluted drunk, then stay sober all week.
Then you have hooch, moonshine or what they call here “Hembrand” or distilled at home, leaves several people blind and dead every year so the technique is not what you would call reliable, but the very expensive spirit price drives production and casualties underground.
Last and by no means least you have private importation. The Swedish drive to Denmark and Germany to avail of the cheap booze there, they have much lower tax in Germany so it is popular to fill up the Volvo Estate with beer wine and spirits, and drive back to Sweden. The customs service is being reduced all the time so nowadays you don’t even have to worry too much about being over the limit, the only thing that you will be done for is overlaoding your vehicle, the cops will stop you if you have more weight in the car than it was designed for, to hell with the booze for a lifetime in the car, the back axle will crack before the customs will get involved. The big irony is that Swedish breweries export vast quantities of beer to Germany in big trucks, to be driven back into Sweden in a fleet of Volvos, so the citizens feel they are getting a good deal, the state feels that it is protecting the citizens from alcohol by controlling the sale and keeping the taxes high, even though the own the company that sells the spirits and they own the company that makes Absolut Vodka , and they have no way of controlling the quantity of booze being privately imported. They also recently lost a case to stop people from importing on the net. If they reduced the tax a bit it would mean that they would make more money from the increased sales volume, but then the anti-alcohol lobby would be bleating about increased consumption, the statistics show an increase as it is, if you counted all the black market alcohol, private imports etc. the stats would be horrible, better to keep the status quo. Never mind about all the waste of petrol and the effect on the environment with all the Volvos shunting back and forth to Germany.
So much for environmentally friendly and logical Sweden.

One of the few times I went through the Suez Canal was when I served as a cadet on the VLCC (Very large crude carrier) Esso Hawaii back in 1993, before digital cameras but I had my trusty Olympus Trip camera with me, loaded for some reason with XP2 black and white film perhaps I was attempting to be arty or something. Anyway I only recently scanned in a lot of the negatives from that time, it’s only 15 years ago but it seems like a lifetime. My collage shows the “bum boats” being hoisted up to deck level, one of the bridge wings and the funnel and name plate of the VLCC Esso Hawaii. She ended up in the recycling yard/strand a few years ago so all that is left is the memories and the stamp in my discharge book.
These boats in the picture were filled with “boat men” whose job was to cause as much hassle as is humanly possible to the crew of a ship, and to moor the ship in the case of emergency, completely pointless on a ballasted VLCC with a 15 metre freeboard and only a few metres to spare on either side of the canal at the narrow parts. Every door on the ship was padlocked or locked access only for the crew, this was long before ISPS, the threat wasn’t terrorism (although we were terrorized for Marlboro) it was theft, there was a special cabin called the “Suez Canal Cabin” designated for these boatmen, a simple room with 4 double bunkbeds and a communal toilet, known as the WOG locker by the less politically correct members of the crew. It was a depressing enough cabin when empty, it was disgusting when full of people and afterwards the cleanout had to be done with high pressure hose and full chemical suit, the toilet not being used in a manner normal to western standards, because they didn’t use the flush function. This may be hard to believe that people would want to wade around in their own squalor but it happened.
The old man at the time probably brought a lot of the problems we had that transit down upon himself by trying to enforce the company policy of “no gratuities”, now anybody who has been through the canal knows that the bureaucratic lubrication comes in the form of cartons of Marlboro cigarettes, everyone who is anyone requires these before any further conversation will be entered into. The Pilots all 8 of them require cigarettes, the “Doctor”, the “Electrician” and “Port Authorities” all demanded them. The Doctor climbed onboard and put a stamp on the health declaration, the Electrician switched on the Suez Canal search light, the Port Authority collected more paperwork and the agent was there somewhere too, plus all the boatmen and all the other boats that flocked around like scavengers waiting for Marlboro. But the old man stuck to his guns and refused to open the bonded store, no cigarettes he bellowed to one poor unfortunate, nearly knocking him over. Well it nearly started the 1993 Suez Crisis, they were going to stop the ship and there was going to be delays, and it was most irregular. Eventually the old man pacified the pilots saying that they would be looked after, they received a paper bag with fly spray, a couple of cans of coke and a few bars of chocolate. I thought that one of them was going to bust a blood vessel at this outrage, the other one rolled out the prayer mat and started fervently praying on the bridge deck. So we were unpiloted for a few minutes that seemed like a very long time with the one pilot glowering at the old man and the other one giving it plenty on the prayer mat, eventually the old man had to give in, was it worth letting a VLCC ground in the canal and cause an international incident, no. So the cigarettes arrived and it was all sweetness, and the helm orders started again. A few years later I saw the complete opposite where the old man sat with a 5000 case of Marlboro and dished out left right and center, and we had no problems, he explained that the British pilots in the canal in the old days started the carton of cigarettes lark, so the Egyptians were not going to break such a tradition.
Because we were such a large ship we required many pilots and there were 4 sets of pilots in total, one pair to bring us into the canal, one pair for the upper section to the Bitter Lakes, another pair to Suez and the another pair for the voyage out of the canal, talk about jobs for the boys. All received the paper bag and Marlboro included, the old man was very annoyed that he had to give in to the pilots so he was marching around like a bull with a headache, sweat stains under his arms and forehead clenched with rage, all cadets had to scatter to avoid the wrath, shit rolls downhill. He wasn’t happier when the 3rd mate suddenly asked one of the pilots if “that the airfield the one where the Israelis bombed the shit out of the Egyptian airforce?” More silence a near diplomatic incident and Marlboro dished out, and the 3rd mate had a black shin for weeks afterwards from the kick he got from the mate trying to shut him up.
More from the photo archive later.
A container crane crashing down onto the deck of a containership at Southampton dock the other day, I don’t know exactly which day but the pilot on the way out from Southampton told me it was on Youtube so here it is. Amazingly the driver of the crane survived, apparently he wasn’t in the cab at the time, which is where they spend 99% of their time, so he was lucky. The crash has caused a logistical headache for the port ships are being diverted and it will take weeks to repair. Reasons for the accident, unknown at this time…….
Source: Security camera (via youtube) footage as far as I know.
Vehicle carrier “Courage”
Registered in Wilmington Delaware USA
The American flagged Vehicle Carrier Courage of American Roll-On Roll-Off Carrier (ARC) seen yesterday leaving Southampton on a voyage to destination undisclosed, she was heading west in the English channel on the AIS at her last contact. A fairly rare occurrence to see the Stars & stripes flying on the mast these days in this neck of the woods, I even thought it was a Liberian until it passed a bit closer. The ship was once a Wallenius called “Aida” and the name has only been painted over. According to local information sources vehicles carried are often military vehicles and that is why it’s American. The website looks however normal enough http://www.arrcnet.com/.
I got spam from India today, obviously not one of those affected by the undersea cable damaged by some ship which blacked out the internet for millions of users in asia and the middle east.
A Mr. Vinod Dubey was peddling his wares in the form of a comment on one of my posts, he was offering a “12 month Computer Curse” as if I haven’t got enough problems with computers already a year long curse is something I won’t be signing up for. Maybe his curse is the reason for the cable damage?
HMS Lancaster
Three warships passed our position today heading for sea all spick and span after the bad weather, there was no radio traffic and the AIS was switched off so no ideas about where they were going or what the mission was. Their silent passage was impressive with all the crew on deck and the white caps gleaming in the winter sun. A few days earlier there was plenty of chatter from one warship and the VTS at Southampton, now the other day at Rotterdam I blogged about being able to speak English on the VHF, well who better to give us a great example of perfect Queens English than the boys and girls of the Royal Navy?
Well it was English, but it must have been the competition for the most clipped and shortest time on air or they have some kind of military practice for short messages so they don’t get targeted by radio direction finders or something. There are things that are confusing when hearing such military tone and military speak ” This is coalition warship calling the vessel on a course of 225 speed 15knots in position etc. etc.” Since when have the Royal Navy started calling themselves “coalition warships”, and what happens when they use the half second grunts and bleats that are meant to be words but sound more like noises from a haggard or stall with the non-English speakers like the French? Probably more of the same back to them……
But I was happy to hear the calm and collected voice of Solent Coastguard on the VHF sounding very clear and concise, even if it was a bad weather forecast for more gales, they sounded good anyway.
Job the biblical holder of the eternal patience award would have pulled his beard out and gone doo-lally if he ever had to do the job of VTS operator at Rotterdam. The VTS(Vessel traffic service) people organise the shipping traffic in and out of Rotterdam,one of the worlds busiest ports. There is a ship arriving every couple of minutes and most require a pilot, and all have to be directed to ensure the best possible flow of traffic. The Dutch are also very good at speaking English, it is their second language, even if they have a slight accent, it is perfectly understandable. Most of the operators have a clear calm voice, a bit arrogant at times, blasting away in Dutch to the people who know how to blast away at Dutch. Anyway why shouldn’t they it’s their port.
Now speaking English is of course a pre-requisite for maritime communications, if you can’t speak English it doesn’t reflect on your intelligence oh no, but you sound stupid on the VHF if you can’t speak it in a half decent manner, there is even a book with the correct phrases to use for non-English speakers, a lot of them don’t have it or don’t read it or don’t know how to read it as was apparent the other day when we were just about to anchor off port limits to wait for our berth to become free. The VTS was being hailed by a ship’s officer on the VHF, but it sounded like he was reading from a badly rehearsed script.
Characters; 1. VTS Maas Approach, 2. A ship we shall call Doolally of nation unknown and we will give him the call sign X-ray 2 Yankee India 4.
Doolally: “Maas Approach this is Xway tu rankee dindee faw”
VTS: What is your name?
Doolally: My ETA at 14hundra
VTS: OK X-ray 2 Yankee India 4 ETA 14hundred, what is your name?
Doolally: My dwaft 10 boint 8 meetaahs….
VTS: OK draft 10.8 metres what is your ships name?
Doolally: Pleeeze rephet massage?
VTS:What is your vessels name, please spell your name.
Doolally: sshhhhhhh, aaaaarggh doooooodaaaaah
VTS:OK you are breaking up please spell the ships name
Doolally: My call sign is…….
VTS: What is your name?
Doolally: (silence)……10 minutes goes by
VTS: X-ray 2 Yankee India 4 this is Maas approach do you read?
Doolally: (silence) no reply
VTS: X-ray 2 Yankee India 4 this is Maas approach do you read?
The conversation ended there, the ship stopped communicating, or decided to go somewhere else or God knows what. The VTS operator had other ships to deal with and that was the end of it.
Now I was talking about ships being piloted in by radio in a post not so long ago http://timstimes.net/2008/01/09/pilotage-from-shore/ all very well and good, you can have technology, you can have great radio equipment, but at the end of the day, if the guys on the ship no speaka da language, you won’t be able to do anything let alone pilot them from ashore.




















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