2008 July archive at Tims Times

Archive for July, 2008

Keeping the peace

Published July 30, 2008 in milk, deck and engine room, oil and water, About, Deckies, From the ship, Engineers and On the ship. 2 Comments

Sacred Heart

Note to self…don’t order fresh milk for the ship again in the hot summer months.

There were a few sour tempers between the deck and engine room departments today so I had to use all my skills as a mediator even though I knew that the spanners were to blame. I can’t take sides as I did before, even if I’d like to. It was a bit of a storm in the preverbial tea cup, but it had it’s lead up, minor words here and there and then an all out shouting match that would have the security guards charging in with riot gear.But we don’t have any security guards only me. I waited for the heckles to lie down a bit and then called a meeting between the warring parties. I asked for silence and said that I would speak having spoken to both sides individually. I could see in the eyes of the two factions that it would not be easy and for some reason I was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

The milk was probably standing on the back of a truck somewhere with the rest of the stores overnight, growing cultures of bacteria. The frozen stuff was Ok, and the fruit and veg, but the milk was off, again.

Thinking about the milk stopped me from laughing, I gave some bullshit about peace and harmony and threw in a few lines I’d heard on “The Wire” TV show about “showing me the love” and in the end they agreed to act in a more harmonious way. A compromise was reached and mutual respect was agreed on. Later the two individuals came up to me at separate intervals and said that the other guy was “mentally ill” and “a stupid f..cker” respectively….so much for showing me the love. Ah well as long as they don’t kill each other.

Now years earlier when I was a second mate, there was an incident on a ship that started off with an engineer slagging off a radio officer. Seemingly harmless gibes about being a “half deckie, half engineer” and “useless at both”. Now yer man the engineer was a Scouser and yer other man the R/O was from Limerick. If you know anything about Limerick people you don’t want to start picking on the wrong one, it ended up with the Scouser calling out to the R/O in front of the other engineers “hey Paddy I think the skipper needs you to wipe his arse” there was dead silence. And Paddy (not his real name by the way) went off quietly and said nothing.
Now as far as I knew this Paddy guy was an angel, in his cabin he had a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus on the bulkhead, and he had a photo of his mother beside the bible on his locker. He didn’t smoke and only had an occasional beer, always on time for work and did his job well….model citizen?
That evening at the dinner table in the saloon, there were steaks on the menu and just when everyone was busy scoffing down their prime beef, Paddy jumps up from his place with steak knife in hand and places it firmly up against the neck of the bould Scouser.
The place died. The silence was murderous. Then Paddy pipes up in a quiet voice…” you ya f..cker, if you ever look at me again I’ll f..cking well open you up” with that he went back to his place and continued to eat his meat. Our friend the engineer, didn’t have anything clever to say then and there, and he walked out of the room , very pale and with his tail between his legs.
The old man who had witnessed the entire proceedings said nothing, and neither did anyone else, there was a collective holding of breaths until Paddy left the room.
Now the gas thing was, we were weeks away from port, so the two of them had to work onboard until Paddy went home on “sick leave”. I don’t know what the old man did or said to either of them but the steak knife brandishing was the high point of the affair. (no pun intended), but it was amusing watching them meet in the alleyways and around the saloon. There was a magnetic effect, of opposition!

I’m glad I only have to worry about sour milk and a bit of shouting.

Plane drunk

Published July 25, 2008 in booze, Airports, Deckies, Engineers and Norway. 4 Comments

I was browsing a website called Utsira.com keeping an eye on what jobs are on offer in Norway, when I found a story about a Norwegian ships officer who ran amok on a plane to Kuala Lumpur, a quick translation reads that a Norwegian ships officer (it doesn’t say it was an engineer or a deckie!) drank a whole bottle of 60% liquor, and proceeded thereafter to run amok on a KLM flight to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, he had to be controlled by the staff on the plane and handcuffed because of his aggressive behaviour towards the crew and passengers hours before the flight was due to land. On arrival he was arrested by armed police and put in the drunk tank, (in a Muslim country!) He will probably get a hefty fine and most likely lose his job.
Others who traveled in the same group as the man however said that it was not so serious and that it was more of a storm in a teacup.

It reminded me of an old ship mate, (using the term loosely) Pinko got so drunk on a plane home from Brazil (click on the link for the Brazil story) that he got undressed and started to urinate in the aisle, he was dressed again by the flight crew and he passed out completely unaware of his behaviour.

The image of the drunken sailor is really helped by these kind of incidents, I don’t know what could possess someone to drink a whole bottle of booze on a plane, or how it could be allowed to happen. Personal responsibility? I ask you.

TLA (3 Letter Abbreviations)

Published July 17, 2008 in anchorage, England, From the ship and On the ship. 5 Comments

We have had a few days at anchor, so we have had a good opportunity to do some repairs, painting and other useful activities like fishing….

We also got to do a rescue boat drill. But we needed to call the VTS before launching the MOB boat to get permission, so the second mate called up Southampton VTS on the VHF, they said we also had to call QHM on channel 11. At this stage I picked up the mike and informed them that it would only be in the vicinity of the ship and only for about 15 minutes. Still the operator at VTS was adamant, you must call QHM and give them an ETS and ETC.

I looked at the 2/o and said “what the f..k is QHM?”, he nearly fell on the deck laughing, so I switched to Channel 11 and called “QHM, QHM…”and told them our intention to launch the rescue boat, a friendly female voice replied “QHM has approved”

We didn’t have to reveal our apparent lack of knowledge to the VHF listening operators because a quick check on Google revealed our mystery….thankfully we have an enlightened shipowner, who has seen fit to install satellite internet on all of his ships.

QHM: Queens Harbour Master in Portsmouth. and here are the other TLA’s (three letter abbreviations)

VTS: Vessel Traffic Services

VHF: Very High Frequency

MOB: Man OverBoard (not something you really want to experience, but you have to practice for that eventuality)

ETS & ETC: Estimated Time of Start/Completion

Of course there are millions more abbreviations and phrases and not just in the shipping world, use of jargon defines the users knowledge, the more you know, the better it sounds to those within your branch or profession. The converse is also true, the less you know, the greener you sound. So better to not say anything and let other people think you are stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it!

Fish supper

Published July 9, 2008 in Fishing, Seafood, photos, England and On the ship. 1 Comment

While at anchor off the south coast of England we were fortunate to get one of those rare moments when the crew get to do a bit of fishing. It was a welcome break from the humdrum of short voyages and lack of sleep. I took a few photos of the lads fishing and then cleaning the catch. Later on we enjoyed some home made Filipino style sushi, with lots of fresh ginger and chilli, and a few cold ones to wash it down! Tasty.

Our catch was Mackerel, they have to be the easiest fish in the world to catch, they were just hopping onto the hooks and the boys caught about 6 or 7 kg in less than 20 minutes. They were teeming around the stern and the sea was alive with them. On the deck there were scales and hooks, and blood and guts. From sea to plate was quick, and the fish was sweet, and how it should be enjoyed, fresh.

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fresh

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gutting

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The Mutants

Published July 7, 2008 in photo, France and On the ship. 0 Comments

Notre Dame de Gravenchon

On the way in…..A photo of the towns name, directly opposite on the far side of the road was the exit sign for the town.
I didn’t do much more than cycle in and out and do some shopping at the local supermarché. I tried doing a few arty shots at the local abandoned SNCF station more of that on the fotoblog.

Notre Dame de Gravenchon2

On the way out….with one stop off here….which had the odd name of Le Mutant, the wine was cheap and the clientèle were all giving me the “who’s the foreigner with the camera bag” look. A few eyebrows were Gallically raised as I said “cheers luv” to the check out girl. I heard later that the Mutant was a really mega discount store that normal people usually didn’t frequent. I wonder if they mean their customers are Mutants or that the prices are mutated or they sell lots of GMO which will turn you into a Mutant….is this the opposite of ECO shopping? €2 for a Bordeaux Superior says it’s OK for me anyway!
Mutant

A genetically modified customer pushes a trolley…..

Redoubtable Russian

Published July 5, 2008 in Pilot, Warships, Navigation, Grey Funnel, Russia and On the ship. 1 Comment

Neustrashimy

The Russian Type 11540 Frigate Neustrashimy seen outside the port of Le Havre today 5th July. She took her pilot before us and headed up the Seine towards Rouen for the Armada 2008 There was a bit of confusion when she was giving her details to the Pilot station, for starters she gave a draft of 9.8 metres. Her details on the Russian website Aeronatics gives 4.8m. The pilot station asked him to confirm his draft but he kept saying 9.8m? There was about 15 sailors on the focsle when she was heaving anchor and about 10 on the poop to take the pilot. All looking equally busy. When our pilot boarded he hardly had time to take off his jacket when he observed the Warship turning to port on the bend where she should have been going to starboard, we had to take evasive manouvres to avoid a close quarters situation. Our pilot spoke to his colleague on the warship, and there was plenty of air sucking and shoulder lifting, and “bateau de guerre” he had instructed the vessel to go to starboard but she turned to port instead….strange, then later she turned the wrong way again….very strange. There was no radar on the bridge either, so it was pilotage by compass and the Mark one eyeball method. Anyway she managed to steam away up the river before us escorted by a French navy patrol boat. Plenty smoke too.

Neustrashimy2

Ship swindler

Published July 3, 2008 in Seafood, milk, pinch of salt required, From the ship and On the ship. 1 Comment

AKA the Shipchandler. (The definition is not definitive)

Traders come in all shapes and sizes, colours and smells. There are good ones and bad ones, in between too. Some are honest and some are crooks. Then you have the shipchandler.

Markup. Thats the first thing that happens, everything costs more and even if you get a discount which is only a feelgood psychological trick you are getting done.

Stale. That is the second thing. You get to pay more for out of date stuff, stuff that has been taken off the supermarket shelf because of a short date gets repackaged as fresh goods for the poor bastards on the ship. I just had a bowl of cornflakes with milk (fresh so I thought), the first spoon went into my gob and out again rapidly followed by milk wet cornflakes spluttering from my face thanks to the acid sour taste. It is the 3rd of July, the milk had 2nd of July on the package, bought the day before in a former communist state now part of the EU. There is only one thing to say, get used to long life milk.

Brand replicas. You ask for Kellogg’s corn flakes and you get something in a similar sized box and nearly the same colour flake, but tastes like crap.

For Marine use only. You get products that the EU won’t allow on the shelves because of banned additives and colourants.

Frozen. Or refrozen, I joined a ship in the Persian gulf once it was so hot that my shoe police liquefied. The chandler had frozen meat covered in canvas, no container………you don’t want to think about this too much, or just eat vegetarian.

Careless. We had one guy deliver bags of rice, big 50kg bags the classic hessian sack. He left them on the jetty in the pouring rain. Hello, rice water??

Of course the majority of them are OK, the few give a bad rep to the rest of the trade and hence the term Ship swindler.
Bad cornflakes and sour milk. Life can be tough!

Where do the days disappear?

Published July 3, 2008 in By the way. 1 Comment

Back on the waves again. Have not been attentive to my poor misfortunate blog, a combination of holidays apathy and microblogging on twitter and facebooking and flickr. No good excuse really. New stories on the way starting with the Ships true friend, the chandler.

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