Suez Spam Bonus

I made the near fatal error of replying to an Egyptian Ship Chandler’s e-mail this evening. I should have just binned it, pressed the delete button and carried on with whatever else I was doing, but no. For some reason I sat down and read the e-mail offering best quality produce fresh and locally produced with 25% cash discount bonus. All very well and good Mr Egyptian Chandler but we are never in Egypt, we are only in the Mediterranean occasionally, you could be offering free beer and camels but we don’t go there.

So I replied please don’t send us any more offers we are never in Egypt. Thanks very much all the same.

Within minutes the mail box was full of e-mail again, the first one being an apology from yer man the chandler “Please Captain accept my most sincere apologies, and be sure to call us on your next call to Suez and get special bonus”

“NEXT????” the last time was never so what “next”, and what bonus? Then he must have passed the e-mail address to his spare parts friends who were offering top quality lifeboats only used once……

Delete

Delete

Delete

Do not reply ever again, I told myself. The only real bonus was that I remembered a story about an old man back in the auld times who had a dog with him on the ship. A little Jack Russell, and it used to sleep in a basket in his office and follow him around the deck every day cocking his small leg on the mates nice paintwork.

The ship had a visit from one of the senior superintendents, and he immediately asked “what do you call the dog?”

“Bonus” says our friend the old man.

“Bonus?” thats a quare sort of a name for a dog, and pray tell why did you call the dog bonus?

Because he is so small.