2008 November archive at Tims Times

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Archive for November, 2008

Wanted Pirates

Published November 21, 2008 in Pirates, Dodgy ships, pinch of salt required and mad captains. 9 Comments

Fancy a Change of Course for new and exciting employment opportunities!

Established already in the 1600’s our company has been providing pirate solutions for generations. Due to rapid expansion within our sector we now have immediate vacancies for the following positions:

Master Pirates, mate pirates, engineer pirates and deck/engine rating pirates.

No previous piracy or hijack experience necessary but will be deemed meritorious. Ongoing training is available for all areas of extortion, weapons use, boarding tactics and general harassment of westerners or their puppet crews onboard the vessels we hijack.

A working knowledge of Arabic would be a distinct plus, and considered extremely advantageous. A degree of bloodthirstiness can also help if required to discipline unruly crew or hostages.

Some skill at shiphandling can help, as we have in our portfolio a wide range of modern vessels of varying tonnages from VLCC to general cargo ships, and the fleet is changing all the time!

Very attractive salary and benefits, although we hate the Zionist loving Imperialistic United States, we do like the US dollar. All wages are on a commission basis and paid cash in hand/hook since we don’t have any banks (although we have a few shady back channels to Zurich, to facilitate ransom payments and sundry cash flow) so the more hijacking the better paid. And the more daring the hijacking even more payout.

We have flexible leave arrangements and instant promotion possibilities, whenever anyone gets killed the next in line is instantly promoted.

The job is not without it’s hazards ( Russian, Indian, Danish, American, British warships) and we expect all prospective employees to be conscientious and act responsibly towards their shipmates and follow the standard industry practices with regard to safety.

Medical benefits are also provided and free Qat is available to all employees.

In this rapid climate of change, apply NOW for the experience of a lifetime (even if it could be short)

PO Box 1,Dodgy Pirate Enclave of Puntland, Somalia.

Just like magic…..

Published November 16, 2008 in USA, oil and water, Engineers, environment and From the ship. 2 Comments

For all the landlubbers who think that ships are polluting the oceans, well I’m afraid that in some cases they are right, unfortunately.

I just read about another case of the “magic pipe” being discovered on a ship by the US Coastguard in Tampa, Florida. A magic pipe is a home made pipe used to bypass the oily water separator and to pump the oily water over the side into the ocean. Some ship operators seem to think that it is cheaper to pollute the ocean than to use the equipment fitted onboard to separate the oily water, and in this case the company had ordered their engineers to routinely dump oily water over the side.
Every ship has a log of all oil filling and transfer, even oily water, but these logs had been deliberately falsified so the illegal oil dumping could take place.
So how did they get caught? They had covered up their tracks, faked the records, and removed the magic pipe before arriving in Tampa.

Someone onboard blew the whistle, and tipped off the authorities, so the USCG came onboard and found what they needed to hold the ship and make arrests. Two Filipino citizens now face up to 6 years in prison and fines of $250,000. They carried out the act so they carry the can, but they were ordered to carry out the deed by their company in Japan, or probably lose their job, so lose job or go to jail….magic! They have 6 years to think about what they did.

And the whistle blower? He gets a hefty reward, probably more than he’d earn in a year. Maybe he might think about his shipmates in jail?

And the company, hardly a cheap alternative…not so magic really.

And the magic pipes? They will magically appear again on some other ship, carrying flat screen TV’s or cars or oil or whatever…….

Kustwacht

Published November 13, 2008 in photos, ship spotting, North Sea, Maritime, Netherlands, Navigation and From the ship. 0 Comments

The Netherlands coastguard ship “Frans Naerebout” heading back out to sea again with a few buoys for repositioning. We were alongside near Flushing for about 30 hours and this lad was back and forth at least twice in the time we were there.

Note the hull markings are not entirely unlike the US Coast Guard.

Kustwacht The website link.

Manoeuvres in the Dark

Published November 9, 2008 in France and From the ship. 0 Comments

Night time operations, once you get started on them the whole tour ends up happening at night. We were heading into Dunkerque fortunately in ballast condition, the ship being easier to handle when light. The first hazard was at the breakwater a 90 degree turn with an easterly current, so you have to put on some power and turn into the current, but not too much power because you don’t want to end up half way across the basin and miss the lock entrance, then you could find yourself in all kinds of trouble. All the talking stopped when we made the first turn, all that could be heard was the background buzz of radars and the occasional blast of VHF traffic, I eased the engines and she started to turn nicely for the locks, no other helm or thrust was required, the pilot remarked ” she knows the way”, I said “yeah she’s been here more times than I have”. Once we were lined up for the lock I angled the bow towards the quay wall on the port side and gave a quick burst astern, she started to move in to the lock wall a bit too quickly so I gave the rudder hard to port and half ahead which stopped the advance towards the wall, then another belt astern and she sat nicely on the tyre fenders. The mooring ropes were already out and the pilot said “position”, so I said position to fore and aft.

After the lock we crept out and got ready for the first turn “hard to port, half ahead, full thrust to port” and she started swinging on the first 180 degree turn, she came around nicely and we made our way up the “Chenal Brocquaire” we needed to have some speed for steering but not too much that would make the next swing difficult, a balancing act, anyway the ship is right handed so when it was time to turn I gave an unmerciful kick astern to kill the way, the entire ship juddered as she came to a halt then “hard to starboard, half ahead, and full thrust to starboard”, and she gently came around and we came up to the pier and made fast. There were only about 2 or three sentences exchanged in the entire manoeuvre, and inaudible sighs of relief once alongside, then off to change underclothes! Not entirely text book, but they don’t mention the adrenaline rush in the textbook or the cold sweat dripping, and the silent tension, and I don’t think an astern manoeuvre is called unmerciful in the books either, but if you don’t give a savage kick astern you’ll end up in the next parish.

The entire manoeuvre was tracked nicely on the chartlet above. The curved red line is the actual track and the orange lines the intended. You can see where the southerly wind pushed us up to the north in the “Chenal” but we made it in the end as one pilot from Lancashire once said to me “without twatting anything”!

Up the road, to the Mission

Published November 8, 2008 in going ashore, Cadets, French, France and From the ship. 1 Comment

One rule, 2 countries, 2 interpretations. In Rotterdam I couldn’t set foot off the ship without incurring great expense and hassle, and my bicycle was blacklisted, In Dunkerque, there was a free bus laid on to take us up to the Mission to Seafarers, free, gratis and we were treated with great respect. France 1 Holland 0. The French are enlightened. Vive La France!
The Mission itself (featured above in the photo) was no great shakes to be honest but it was not the decor we were there to admire, it was a bit of a change of scenery the Gallic bonhomie a few of beers and a game of pool. There were 2 out of tune pianos, 2 pool tables with worn out cloths and the cushions were like wood, but it didn’t matter. There was also a full size billiards table in one corner, I don’t think anyone else there apart from myself had ever played billiards or knew what it was….proficiency at billiards, sign of a misspent youth…..I’m crap at billiards, pool, snooker, the lads used to call me harpoon when I’d take a shot, my cuing action was that bad.

I was there with the deck cadet and the 3rd engineer, the poor cadet was what it seemed to me to be in a perpetual state of fear and looked like he was going to shit himself or cry every time I addressed him, and he answered “yessir” the whole time. He must have had it rough in the academy. We drank a couple of cold ones played a few frames of pool, warped cues and wooden cushions aside. The place filled up with seamen from around the globe, I was the only westerner in the place, apart from the staff, and I was getting looks from some people as if to say are you really on a ship? One crew had just arrived from Port Hedland, Australia. Their voyage was as long as my entire tour, 4 weeks.
Some of the guests had been shopping for food, eggs and milk, corned beef and sardines. I was thinking I won’t be complaining about the food again on my ship.
One of the staff was a living advertisement for Gitanes, he went out to the smoking area every few minutes to smoke a fag and cough up half a lung in the process and hack up and gob a few times on the ground before uttering something in French which could be translated as “Jesus, Mary and Joseph” then he pulled out a paisley patterned handkerchief and wiped the sweat off his brow from the exertion, and snorted heftily before stuffing it back in his back pocket. Then back to the bar for another swig of Vino. Lovely, it nearly put me off my beer, but not quite.
One of the other staff could speak about 5 languages apart from French and English, and was conversing away with the Filipinos in Tagalog much to their delight, then the VHF set on the wall hummed to life and another bus was sent out to collect more thirsty seafarers.
Most of the visitors wanted to avail of the cheap phonecalls home, I could see them sitting behind the smoked glass cubicles calling their loved ones somewhere in the world. Hard auld life for some of these lads, but the Mission provides some solace for them.

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