Fancy a Change of Course for new and exciting employment opportunities!
Established already in the 1600′s our company has been providing pirate solutions for generations. Due to rapid expansion within our sector we now have immediate vacancies for the following positions:
Master Pirates, mate pirates, engineer pirates and deck/engine rating pirates.
No previous piracy or hijack experience necessary but will be deemed meritorious. Ongoing training is available for all areas of extortion, weapons use, boarding tactics and general harassment of westerners or their puppet crews onboard the vessels we hijack.
A working knowledge of Arabic would be a distinct plus, and considered extremely advantageous. A degree of bloodthirstiness can also help if required to discipline unruly crew or hostages.
Some skill at shiphandling can help, as we have in our portfolio a wide range of modern vessels of varying tonnages from VLCC to general cargo ships, and the fleet is changing all the time!
Very attractive salary and benefits, although we hate the Zionist loving Imperialistic United States, we do like the US dollar. All wages are on a commission basis and paid cash in hand/hook since we don’t have any banks (although we have a few shady back channels to Zurich, to facilitate ransom payments and sundry cash flow) so the more hijacking the better paid. And the more daring the hijacking even more payout.
We have flexible leave arrangements and instant promotion possibilities, whenever anyone gets killed the next in line is instantly promoted.
The job is not without it’s hazards ( Russian, Indian, Danish, American, British warships) and we expect all prospective employees to be conscientious and act responsibly towards their shipmates and follow the standard industry practices with regard to safety.
Medical benefits are also provided and free Qat is available to all employees.
In this rapid climate of change, apply NOW for the experience of a lifetime (even if it could be short)
PO Box 1,Dodgy Pirate Enclave of Puntland, Somalia.
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Brilliant!
A sarcastic call of duty for the non government coast guards of Somalia. Yarrr!
Tim,
Article in the Associated Press today. Makes for sober reading. I think our job is about to get a lot harder…
Pete.
Quote;
The ease by which pirates have seized control of large tankers is giving shipowners, insurance companies and maritime security companies cause for deep concern.
One such case is the Sirius Star, a huge tanker carrying around $100 million worth of crude oil and owned by Saudi oil company Aramco. It was hijacked in a mere 16 minutes by Somali pirates on November 15.
Pirates have since anchored it off their base in Harardhere, north of Mogadishu, and demanded that a ransom be paid by November 30.
“The Sirius Star affair is worrying,” said Laurent Galy, a professor at the School of Merchant Shipping in Nantes, on France’s Atlantic Coast. “It can show others that it is relatively easy to carry out similar operation.”
The Djibouti government has likened the acts of piracy in neighbouring Somalia to “a new form of terrorism,” while Saudi Arabia calls piracy an “evil that must be erased.”
Terrorism on the high seas may be rare, but a number of incidents have left a deep impression.
They include the hijacking of the cruise ship Achille Lauro in 1985 causing one death; the suicide bombing of the USS Cole off Yemen’s southern port in 2000 that killed 17 sailors; the blast on the French Limburg oil tanker in 2002 that killed one crew member; and the 2004 bombing of the Superferry 14 that left over 100 people dead in Manila Bay.
It has proved a popular subject with authors and screenwriters, going back to British author Frederick Forsyth’s 1979 thriller “The Devil’s Alternative” which tells of a hijacking of an oil tanker in the North Sea.
A report by the Rand Corporation think tank on “The Maritime Dimension of International Security, Terrorism, Piracy and Challenges for the United States” warned that it may not be long before fiction becomes reality.
“There have been persistent reports of political extremists boarding vessels in Southeast Asia in an apparent effort to learn how to pilot them for a rerun of September 11 at sea,” it said.
Meanwhile, Galy said terrorists have the ability to severely disrupt the maritime sector and the global economic community.
“Ships sailing around the world have five gateways they almost certainly have to pass through — Gibraltar, Suez, Panama, the Malacca Straits and the Strait of Hormuz where basic oil tankers transit through,” Galy said.
“Attacking one of these gateways would seriously disturb the maritime industry which is responsible for delivering 80 percent of the world’s goods.”
Galy also pointed out that pirates and terrorists have different goals when they decide to seize a ship. Pirates usually consider the tankers as a tangible asset, while terrorists simply want to destroy them.
End quote.
Hrrm, any openings for retired Captains? A good way to keep the pension up now when the finance pirates has sank our pension funds. How is the food? Better than the dog and cats food hopefully! Hopr they are not to tight on the ISM code either!
Tim, i’m not sure if they will take Irish skippers on. heard they have quite a temper…
need me to sit you down and teach you a few marksmen tricks?
Thanks for the comments shipmates, joking aside the situation has gotten completely out of hand in the Gulf of Aden/Somali coast. The comment from bothenook about marksman tips may be one of the answers…I met an ex-Brit service man who was going to set up his own security firm with ex-SAS types, one man, one high velocity rifle $2000USD per day, and your ship is safe from attacks, because they won’t get within 1500 metres of the ship without getting holes in them. Sounds simple enough, and maybe it could work as long as the pirates don’t get better equipment!
Safe sailing mateys.
I’m dead handy with vintage Bofors 40mm anti-aircraft guns.They’d be perfect for the job with a range of up to 2 1/2 miles.Relatively cheap with parts and ammo plentiful they’d pack a decent punch and you could still throw a bit of canvas over them when they weren’t needed.
It’s all upping the stakes though isn’t it?
Upping the stakes it would be alright, but if the hijackers know that they won’t get within 2 miles, then they won’t attack, n’est pas?
The Pacific Pintail is a British Nuclear Fuel carrier, a fairly ordinary looking ship, with a very extraordinary cargo, she has fitted 30mm machine gun cannons on deck, covered with canvas to make inconspicuous, but very effectively deterring any attempts by firing a round or 500 across the bow of any would be attacker. Not too popular with Greenpeace BTW……
Oui,C’est juste.
It’s not like the pirates want to sink the ships so something like a Bofors might be sufficient to deter them.
I just have an image of a ship’s crew putting the mallet on some pirates but being captured anyway.Not good.
As for the Pacific Pintail.I’d bet a few of those 30mm shells glow in the dark all on their own.