One of the less glamorous sides to the job is the medical locker. Usually it means counting pills and tubes of cream, and ordering new stuff when the use by date is near, then sending the old stuff ashore. Most complaints are dealt with quickly and usually entail a paracetamol or two, a glass of water and a pat on the back, off you go. Others less often require a bit of ointment and bandaging after a skinburn or sunburn!
Today I had to resort to the telephone doctor, I received a request for a certain type of medicine from one of the crew, now we have a fairly vast selection of drugs and an individual of dubious moral character in charge of the keys could indulge in some recreational pharmaceutical experimentation or get high often. The medicine in question was not in stock. I checked my medical dictionary and we had another drug with the same ingredients but not the same form. I rang the doctor on our special Radio medical hotline and was given instructions that they had the same effect, the only difference being application, up the bum, yes the famous suppository.
When my client later got his medical prescription his face contorted when he learned of the application method, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep a straight face and not think of the gag “for all the good these are doing I might as well stick them up my hole”, easier said than done, I asked if he knew what to do and made it clear that assistance would not be forthcoming. I don’t get paid enough for that kind of carry on!
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